Things that I must say: Uncle Crizzle edition.

So I had the grand opportunity to appear on my colleague and buddy Craig D. Lindsey's podcast recently, and it's a wild and weird journey into what I like to call cinemadness. Give it a listen here, provided you aren't one of Prince's lawyers or Michael Bay.

How the sound went down this year.

So another year, another sprawling playlist for birthday shenanigans. We started around 8:30 PM, then ran until about quarter til' five this morning.

The Three Degrees – Set Me Free
Beck vs Scissor Sisters – I Don’t Feel like Losin’
The Outfield – Your Love (Remix)
The Last Mister Bigg – Traffic King
Zsa Zsa ‘La Boum’ – Tu Veux ou Tu Veux Pas (12” Version)
The Wesley Willis Fiasco – Girls on Film
Pete Shelley vs Abba – Does Your Homosapien Know?
Black 47 – Bridie’s Song (Funky Céilí)
The Dead Milkmen – Bleach Boys
P!nk – Funhouse (Digital Dog Mix)
Ginuwine – Pony (Booty Mix)
The Wonderland Disco Band – Wonder Woman Disco
Meat Loaf – You Took The Words Right Outta My Mouth (Hot Summer Night)
Björk and Antony – The Dull Flame of Desire (Modeselektor’s Remix for Girls)
Prince – Moonbeam Levels
SSQ – Synthicide (Extended Version)
Donna Summer – Take Me
Abba – Lovelight
The B-52’s – Girl From Ipanema Goes To Greenland (Shep Pettibone Remix)
Roxette – The Look (Elaste)
Notorious B.I.G. – Juicy (Three Bad Brothaz Electromix)
Samantha Fox – I Wanna Have Some Fun (Have Some Dub)
Fever Ray – Triangle Walks (Rex the Dog Mix)
Lil Wyte featuring Juicy J – Fucked Up
New Order – Blue Monday (Paul Dakeyne DMC Reorder)
Jane Child – All I Do (TG Mix)
Propaganda – Dr. Mabuse (ReEdit)
The 2 Live Crew – The Fuck Shop
Big Moe featuring DJ Screw, Z-Ro, and Tyte Eyes – City of Syrup
Siouxsie & the Banshees – This Wheel’s on Fire
Pet Shop Boys and Phil Oakey – This used to be the future
TLC – What About Your Friends
The Monkees – As We Go Along
Kings of Leon – Use Somebody (Christian Luke Reboot)
Matt Berry as Dr. Julian Sanchez – One Track Lover (Synthia Remix)
June Pointer – Little Boy Sweet (from National Lampoon’s Vacation)
Amanda Blank – Super Freek (Remix)
The McGregor Brothers - Autotune the News 2
Pink Floyd – Brain Damage (Hani Remix)
Depeche Mode – It Doesn’t Matter
P!nk – Please Don’t Leave Me (Digital Dog Mix)
George Duke – Say That You Will
The Eagles – The Disco Strangler (ReEdit)
The Little River Band – Help Is On Its Way
BG and Big Tymers – Ecstasy and Hennessey
Baby D – Let Me Be Your Fantasy (Ruffer Mix)
Loleatta Holloway – Love Sensation (12” Version)
The Bloodhound Gang – Mope
Connie Stevens - Sixteen Reasons (Why I Love You)
My Life With The Thrill Kult – A Girl Doesn’t Get Killed By A Make-Believe Lover… ‘Cuz It’s Hot
Buju Banton and Nadine Sutherland – Wicked Dickie
New Order – Touched By The Hand of God (12” Version)
Patrick Swayze – She’s Like the Wind (Aquaflex Remix)
Teddy Pendergrass – Only You
Q. Lazzarus – Goodbye Horses
Jeremih and R. Kelly – Birthday Sex (Remix)
La Roux – Armour Love
Röyksopp featuring Robyn – The Girl and The Robot
The Waitresses – Square Pegs
The Brothers Johnson – Strawberry Letter 23
They Might Be Giants & The Doc Severinsen Orchestra – Birdhouse in Your Soul (Live)
Eurythmics vs Tone-Loc – Here Comes The Wild Thing Again
The Walker Brothers – Nite Flights (4amix)
Tina Turner – Save The last Dance For Me
Shirley Ellis – Rubber Dolly (The Clapping Song)
Akasa – One Night in My Life (Rhythm Stick Remix)
Ol’ Dirty Bastard – Cold Blooded
Neil Diamond – I Am, I Said
Terri Gibbs – Somebody’s Knocking
Imogen Heap – Hide and Seek (Jethro East and Lee Davey Remix)
Shona Laing – Soviet Snow
Roxy Music – Mother of Pearl
David Bowie – Across The Universe
The Hudson Brothers – So You Are a Star
10,000 Maniacs – Don’t Talk
Right here is when we took a break and popped in Depeche Mode's Devotional DVD.
Depeche Mode – Behind The Wheel
Depeche Mode - Stripped
Depeche Mode - Condemnation
Depeche Mode - Judas
Depeche Mode – Mercy in You
Depeche Mode – I Feel You
Depeche Mode – Never Let Me Down Again
Depeche Mode - Rush
Depeche Mode – In Your Room
Depeche Mode – Personal Jesus
Depeche Mode – Enjoy the Silence
Depeche Mode – Fly on the Windscreen
Depeche Mode – Everything Counts
And back to the mix as things wound down.
Nina Persson and Nathan Larson – The Bluest Eyes in Texas
Pat Benetar – We Live For Love ‘84
Ellie Warren – Satellites
Paul Simon – Diamonds on The Soles of Her Shoes (Tangoterje Dub)
American Fade – I’m Alive (Let’s Move On) (Disconet Version)
Darren Hayes – Casey
Londonbeat – No Woman No Cry
Patti Smith – Break It Up
Peppermint Rainbow – Will You Be Staying After Sunday
OMD – Souvenir (Moby Mix)
eo – High
TV On The Radio – Family Tree

At the movies: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra.

Not nearly as racist, sexist, or insulting as Transformers 2 (which seems to be the standard comparison being bandied about), the latest film sprung from a toy line is a bizarre collision between Reagan-80s nostalgia and contemporary bloodthirsty anomie. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra depicts an elite military force drawn from countless nations across the world, bound only to the idea of a common good and their unyielding love for Double Bubble bubble gum (easily the most harebrained product placement of the year, standing out from the rest of the film’s cacophony like sore thumbs.

Director Stephen Sommers has made a couple of films that I rather enjoyed (The Mummy, Deep Rising), but he also made Van Helsing, so all bets are off as to what we’re actually going to get with any of his films. This time, it’s the audience, rather than a conscientiously mute ninja who comes up snake eyes.

Christopher Eccleston (who’ll always be The Ninth Doctor) is the latest in a long line of Scottish war profiteers. We know this because the film opens with us being introduced to one of his ancestors in the fifteenth century. And is there anything more disheartening than an expository prologue set five hundred-plus years in the past at the beginning of your multimillion dollar toy/armed forces commercial?

So, elite force versus a loosely-knit terrorist organization led by Eccleston, with several notable lackeys: The Baroness (truly suffering via comparison with her butch goddess cartoon incarnation), Storm Shadow (evil ninja), and the mysterious Doctor, played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Now if you’re one of those people (like me) who think that the presence of Joseph Gordon-Levitt is indicative of some quality and hidden depth in this production, you are wrong and should save yourself the time and money.

There’s an unbelievable amount of violent death (several impalings, lots of impact trauma, and five or six exploding heads- in a PG-13 film) and some ridiculous romantic subplots. As our ostensible lead, Channing Tatum (who was good in A Guide To Recognizing Your Saints and little else) comes off like a wannabe Jensen Ackles, and other than a nice cameo from Sommers regular Kevin J. O’Connor as Dr. Mindbender, everyone is pretty much flailing around in a sea of special effects.

Again, better than Transformers 2, but what does that really say?

R.I.P. John Hughes.

An American original. The man who defined what parties when the parents are gone should be. The man who taught us that no trauma couldn't be overcome with a proper soundtrack choice.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Miss Grace Jones.

Grace Jones is a goddess, and it breaks my heart that she is only doing two stops in the U.S. on her Hurricane tour this summer. Costumes by Eiko Ishioka (Bram Stoker's Dracula, The Cell, The Fall, Mishima, the upcoming Spiderman musical). The song is thanks to La Mome Edith Piaf, but La Jones has been singing it for thirty-teo years, and it still sounds ravishing. Behold.
There are lots of other YouTubed excerpts from the show, but this is the one I wanted to share.

Ryan O'Neal is one of the worst people ever, part one.

As if we needed more evidence on that particular assertion.

I highly recommend Tatum O'Neal's A Paper Life to anyone even remotely interested. It's staggering, all the filth and tragedy...

16. Throughlight.